Yesterday, at 19h12 local time, the rabbit left and the dragon entered. It's Khmer New Year. This is 2256, the Year of the Dragon. The back streets of Sihanoukville are deserted. Almost all shops and food stalls are closed. The building where I live is nearly empty. Most of the Sihanoukville Khmer are out in the provinces to celebrate with their families. Only the rich from Phnom Penh come to spend the New Year holiday on the beach. The main street is packed with fancy cars and the beaches are full with drunk city people. There's a weird vibe in town. SUV's speed down Ekareach Street but take one side turn and there are only roaming dogs and dust to be found.
The last weeks of the Year of the Rabbit I tried to enjoy the now instead of always worrying about the future. At times I envy my Khmer friends who seem to live so effortlessly today without a clue how to pay next month's rent. Me, I have another 10 months of holiday ahead but somehow I manage to get all stressed and anxious about it. Am I making the most of my time? Should I be somewhere else? Am I doing this right? What do I do when the trip is over? …and a million other questions to keep me completely oblivious of life right now. So I actually looked at the palm trees, smelled the sea and tried to live more intensely. It worked for some time but, alas, we all have our tendencies. More than anything this Only Now-crap turned into an excuse to stay out on the beach way too long for too many nights…
So I just keep going around in circles. Done with the now (aka the night life) I made a glorious return to the pokers. In three days I tripled my meager PokerStars-bankroll. Although I should know better, I felt like the king of the world. Crushing poker, making money and living in a beach town: happy times. Of course, on the fourth day I gave back almost all of my winnings and got soul-crushed in the process. I refused all invitations to go to New Year parties in far away villages and watched a dozen lousy movies on my laptop. That's were the Year of the Rabbit ended.
Here we are now. The Year of the Dragon, Day 1. Clueless, as usual. Not partying, not playing poker. No friends anymore either (drunk nights can do that). Two months into this trip, all alone in Sihanoukville. I got a nice room and a fancy moto. No complaints. There are worse places to be (at 6am on the day job, for example). I'll figure things out from here. There's another month left before the rainy season. I might stay, I might leave. At least I make my own choices here.
Dead to the rabbit; long live the dragon!
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