Saturday, March 31, 2012

Always Keep The Customer Satisfied

In My Street

One of the reasons why I love Asia is the customer service. Dealing with Online, my local internet service provider is a prime example.

Every visit to the Online-office is a bliss. Even before I'm off my moto there's a security guard there to wish me a pleasant day. He opens the door while I enter the air-con office. The interior is stylish blue with touches of orange, according to the company-color-scheme. Most of the time there are about 3 women there to welcome me. They wear sexy blue flight-attendant-like suits with the orange Online-company-logo on their blouses. After they all greeted, one will invite me over to her desk. I sit down in a very comfortable blue chair and she informs (with a beautiful smile) how she can help me today. It's consumer heaven!

One time I didn't have an internet connection for half a day so I went over there to complain. After all the usual greetings and smiles I was assured there would be a technician at my place in 15 minutes (I live just around the corner). Ten minutes later the man was there. Without looking at anything he asked politely if I had rebooted my router after the last power cut. After noticing my blank stare, he explained very patiently how to do this. Then he was about to leave without any payment or charge. I stopped him in his track and gave him a handsome tip. Clearly the problem was entirely my fault but this on-site support by a technician was free of charge nevertheless! Even better; this dude was extremely polite and didn't even vaguely suggest that I was just another dumb barang wasting his time…

The best part is that I pay my subscription monthly in cash. Every month I get an e-mail with a friendly invitation to come by the Online office. With a big smile I stuff some dollar bills in my pocket and get on my moto. Paying an ISP was never this much fun!

Friday, March 30, 2012

Cancer Girl

Temporally Beautiful

A girl returns from the local hospital with bad news. She has an ovarian tumor. It's her fourth. She had three operations already but the tumor always returns...

Cambodian hospitals are places to avoid. The biggest problem are the doctors. Degrees of Cambodian Universities require first and foremost money (and not necessarily knowledge). The profession tends to go from father to son. Never mind skills or intellect. As long as daddy pays, his sons will get a doctor degree. So entering a hospital is like a reverse lottery. You can't win but random factors will decide how badly you're fucked. They charge whatever they feel like, they love to play with fancy equipment and sell brightly-colored pills but, most of the time, it looks like they don't have a clue what's going on…

Anyway, Cancer Girl doesn't freak out (like I would) when she gets the news. She just goes on a little fundraising tour along friends and family. Then she makes Skype-calls to a ex-, current- and future-boyfriends worldwide. She collects at the local Western Union office and books an operation in a remote hospital north of Phnom Penh.
"Good price and good doctor", she reasons.
I nod and I offer no opinion at all. Getting involved is something to avoid. Entering a hospital with my white face and a sick girl in my arms is every Khmer doctors wet-dream. I'll observe this tragedy over a cold beer but that's all I do. I'm not here to save the world, let alone to pay inflated hospital bills…

The morning of the operation Cancer Girl goes to the market to buy a big box of fresh crab. A little gift for the doctor to make sure he does a good job… Then she travels all day to the remote hospital. I heard it was after dark when the doctor was ready to see her.

Only two days later Cancer Girl is back in town. She would have liked to stay in the hospital a few days more but she ran out of money so they kicked her out. With a fresh wound in her stomach she travels all the way back to Sihanoukville by bus. In her family-home, she lies in bed for days. No one's really sure what to do. They feed her rice soup and hope for the best.

Two weeks later I meet her on the beach. She's smoking a cigarette and drinking gin-tonic, looking stunning.
"How's your stomach?", I ask.
"It hurts sometimes but I don't want to think about it. I'm scared if I go to hospital they will say the tumor still there. I don't want to know. No more money. I don't make operation again. I just want to enjoy life and help my family. Forget...Hey, why don't you buy me a drink?"

Thursday, March 29, 2012

A Night On The Beach

Thirsty Weather

Sometimes I'm jealous with the dedicated drinkers. They sit in the morning at roadside stalls and noodle shops with a cold beer in the hand and a young Khmer girl by their side. Later they'll go to the beach or the market or around town. But it's impossible to spot them without a beer and a girl. I admire the way those dudes managed to simplify their lives. Beer and sex; only the simple basics and probably not much else. They didn't wait for the zombie apocalypse but turned them self into brain-dead satisfaction-seekers. Respect! It must take years of hard and heavy training to reach that level of simplicity...

Those men are far out of my league. I can practice all I want I'll never make it that far. Just woke up after a night on the beach. The room spins and my head hurts. Yesterday late afternoon I ran into Professional Girl, Gay Dude and Daria. I joined them for barbecue and beers. Then we did the tour of happy hours around Occheuteal bars to end up with big Mekong whiskey buckets on Serendipity beach in the early hours.. Man, there's no hangover like a Mekong hangover. But, on the other hand, it was a great night out. All fun and happy. Sometimes you just need to get wasted to stay sane...

Unlike the dedicated drinkers I'll spend the rest of the day alone. Drinking fresh coconuts and doing laundry. My moto needs a small repair and I'm sort of looking into a little trip into Vietnam (if I can afford it). Anyway, all this cheap whiskey killed the darkness for a wile. A hangover helps to avoid thinking too much. In fact, I feel happily busy for a guy on an extended holiday. So, fuck it, let's dance while this party lasts!

Wednesday, March 28, 2012

Maybe Later

Beautiful Beach

It's hot and sunny in Sihanoukville. Life's good, I guess. Everything's perfect except my tired mind.
"Hey, sir, buy fruit today?"
"Maybe later."

For ten days and nights I did spend most of my time in my room, playing low-stakes big-field online poker tournaments (the PokerStars MicroMillions). It was uneventful, boring, sad and lonely. It halved my PokerStars account but I didn't even have anything significant on there to begin with. Nothing but a waste of time.
Winning?
Maybe later.

Sometimes I go for a run. Unfortunately, it's impossible to find a pair of decent running shoes in this town. In the end I bought fake Nikes, two sizes too small. They turn my feet into a painful mess. But I really like to run. So every time my feet are somewhat healed I squeeze into those small, crappy shoes and run, run, run for as long as I can. I'm still not sure if it's worth all the pain or not. On the other hand, there's no point in quitting until I reach a full conclusion.
Healthy exercise?
Maybe later.

In between recovering from all the wasted poker-time and nursing my painful feet, despair is quietly taking over… I love the palm trees and the sunny beaches. I just can't get rid of me. Just like home, there are times I struggle to get out of my room. Just like home, I only have about 1 friend here. Just like home, I still dream about a better life just around the corner…
Maybe later,
right?

The only thing I now for sure is that, in the end, I'll be driving that damned delivery van around Brussels again. I fail to see any other plausible way...
"Hey, man, you don't look happy. Want to smoke some weed?"
"Maybe later."

It's the height of the hot season now. The weather report states sunny weather all around with just a tiny chance of tropical depression.
A happy, fulfilling life?
Maybe later.

Thursday, March 15, 2012

The Field Trip

Going Nowhere (Good Luck)

"Hey, why use your phone so much? Better save your battery!"

We are on the road for about seven hours when Daria tells me there's no electricity in her hometown. Cambodia's always full of surprises. I agreed to make this trip because her mother needs a loan. My white face should help seal the deal. We left Sihanoukville early in the morning. The five hour bus ride up on Highway 4 to Phnom Penh was reasonably comfortable. I edited some pictures on my iPhone, played a few levels of Angry Birds and listened to the latest Huff & Stapes podcast. In Phnom Penh we get on a small (but packed) bus heading to some small villages in Kampong Cham province. No aircon, no leg space, bad road and terrible heat all the way. I try to find some relief by listening to the Pokercast when Daria gives me the lowdown about her hometown…

It's late afternoon when we get off the bus in a tiny village in the middle of nowhere.
"Alright, so this is your hometown!"
"No, now we take moto "
After another hour on a dusty trail through tropical forests and plantations we arrive at a few wooden shacks.
"This my hometown!"
"…Town?…Where?"
By now it's dusk. I ask for the toilet. Daria just laughs. Great... Can't charge my phone and have to shit in the fields... After dark I forget this lack of comfort for a little while. In awe I stare at the million stars in the sky and enjoy being shown around the village (by torch). Everyone's friendly. I speak just enough Khmer to score some laughs. Everyone's happy. By nine all is dark and quiet. I sleep on a wooden platform under a thatched roof right next to Daria... and her mother... and two random children. Mosquitos feast on my blood. The heat makes it hard to sleep. It's the middle of the night but here, in the countryside, there's no breeze. Only the sound of insects and the insane nightly heat…

Next morning, it's a quarter to six when I wake up. The whole village's already buzzing with activity. I'm thirsty and hungry but there isn't that much food and water around. I decide to ignore my needs. The family and I go for a quick walk around the village before the heat gets unbearable. My back and legs hurt tremendously from spending a night on a wooden platform. Alas, after eight it's the only place that offers any shadow. I sit in pain. People from the village are working in the fields and on the plantations. I find it even hard to breath. I'm not moving but soaked in sweat. They cut rice all day, everyday...

It's a long, long wait before the bank manager shows up. He's expected around 8 but it's 11 (three painful hours on the platform) before he arrives. It takes another two hours before the deal is done…
No one told me but now I finally realize that I'm not really here to smoothen the deal. I'm here because of some vague hope that I will hand out (at least some of) the $1000 loan. These people are out of luck. Sure, this family needs a toilet and a water-proof roof but it's not my problem. Life's hard out here. They work all day for less than what I pay for a cheese sandwich. Well, that's how it goes. Third-world country, right? I take note of their misery but I don't feel addressed. I'm not here to save the world. You get born in rural Cambodia, you're fucked. That's the way things are. You'll get you my sympathy but I prefer to keep my money. Thank you and good luck to you.

In the afternoon Daria and I leave on a moto-taxi for Kampong Cham city. If someone had begged me for cash at least I could be angry. Unfortunately, no one asked me for anything. I'm dizzy, thirsty and confused. It takes two hours of dust-eating and getting burned and bruised on the back of a moto before we're back on paved roads. Kampong Cham is a small, sleepy backwater. The majestic Mekong-river is awesome though. So is the hotel room shower and many bottles of cold water. I'm dead tired and sound asleep before eight.

The next day we travel back to the coast. It's not a happy trip. Daria's feeling sick. I'm on a doom-and-gloom poverty-hangover. The bus out of Kampong Cham has a breakdown. When we arrive in Phnom Penh all I see (in jealous angriness) are young backpackers passing by. They have fancy backpacks, speckless t-shirts and freshly-washed hair. Effortlessly they slide a laptop out of their pack while they wait for a bus. They are spotless and clean; smiling perfect toothpaste-smiles. I wear dust covered clothes. I'm sticky and sweaty and hungry and tired. Daria has a fever. I'm annoyed with the poor, proud farmers in Kampong Chang province. Why didn't they just try to scam me? Being poor and kind-hearted is the ultimate recipe for misery. The good, poor people are doomed. The trendy backpackers are the upperclass of tomorrow. It's a fucked-up world. There's no middle-ground. A few have it all, most have absolutely nothing. ... Maybe it's just too damn hot in Phnom Penh this time of the year... I scratch countless mosquito bites while getting lost in dark thoughts until we board the bus to Sihanoukville. It's almost dark when we get there. There's a gentle sea breeze. I crave a cold beer and a pizza.

Back in my little hedonistic bubble...

Saturday, March 10, 2012

No Man's An Island

Happy Birthday To Me

About twenty-five people showed up for my 31st birthday party. They all sang "Happy Birthday" for me. There even was a cake with my name on it. I hardly knew any of these people before the party but but by the end of the night we were all friends...

A week ago I outsourced my birthday party to a friend, a Khmer girl. She made it an awesome Khmer-style party in her little restaurant. All her friends were invited. They brought along their barang boyfriends. My landlord and a few barang neighbors and friends also showed up. Loud karaoke, lots of beer and delicious food were the main attractions. Somehow I was the centre of the show and I really enjoyed it… Only in Cambodia, I guess. It's hard to be cynical when everything's awesome. This was, by far, my best birthday ever. The hangover's a bit heavy but most definitely worth it.

I'm doing fine. Everyday I try to learn or do something new. Small things, most of the time. I do some of my own laundry now. Making my own meals is the next endeavor. Without a fridge (and lots of bugs) it's hard to keep food around. But I figured I can keep some ham and cheese wrapped in plastic in my coolbox (covered under lots of ice). Eating home-made sandwiches is not necessarily cheaper then eating Khmer-food but man, those self-made sandwiches do taste delicious…

I'm slowly losing track of time. I've been here a while, that's for sure. Everything's happy-happy-lucky-lucky. Alas, still clueless about the long run. The PokerStars MicroMillions (a series of online poker tournaments) are coming up but that's just another way of saying that I have no clue how to keep my head above water long-term…

Tomorrow I'll leave Sihanoukville for a few days. A friend (yes, a Khmer girl) needs to go see a bank manager about a loan in her hometown. She believes bringing a white dude to the meeting will help her case. A few days away from my precious laptop might do me some good. So I agreed to go on this long trip to her far-away countryside village. We leave tomorrow in the morning. I hope to be back in a few days.

Some time on the road followed by more of this Sihanoukville smooth life. That's one happy-happy-lucky-lucky plan by one happy-happy-lucky-lucky man.

Sunday, March 4, 2012

Happy or Hopeless

The Good Life

All the enlightenment, adventures and awesome experiences they promise you in guidebooks, travel agencies and outdoor stores are nothing but hollow words. The essence of travel is fruitlessly struggling with a severe lack of leg-space in a moving vehicle. That covers a large part of the trip. The rest of time is spend at 'obligatory' tourist hotspots, haggling about prices (getting scammed) and updating your Facebook-status regularly (to show your friends how cool you are)… Did modern-day backpacking ever really change anyone? Sure, a few backpackers die and others get fucked-up for life (on too much inferior dope) but the majority of them will be working a regular 9-to-5 in the near future…

Anyway, that's not my world anymore.

I've been happy in my quiet one-room appartment for two weeks now. A few days ago I bought an awesome second-hand Honda Wave to cruise to the beaches and all around town.. I sweep my room in the morning, go buy ice for my coolbox regularly and eat 3 meals a day (mainly cheap, delicious Khmer food and the occasional hot-dog/pizza/hamburger). On hot afternoons, I enjoy playing online poker. Opening the PokerStars-lobby feels like the most natural thing in the world when it's baking hot outside. I can play for hours on end without getting bored or stressed. The Full Tilt debacle is nothing but a distant memory. Just like Sihanoukville is supposed to smell like ganja, online poker is a respectable career choice in this town. I'm doing all right; grinding out a small profit (for the moment). The numerous power cuts can be a nuisance (especially in the heat of the game) but hey, I'm not complaining. In the worst-case scenario (a long power cut) I just close my laptop and drive out to the beach...

Life's good here. I'm living on my own. I like it that way. Sometimes I go out at night, more often I stay in and watch movies. It depends on how I feel. I wake up when I want, eat when I'm hungry, drink when I drive, take orders from no one and do as I please...

Happy or hopeless.
It's all fine by me.
I just like to enjoy this idyllic existence
for a little while/ for as long as it lasts