November's Never Easy

Striving to be awesome might never hurt; it does get old rather quickly.
Waiting is hard. Stuck in an endless loop of work and TV. Too much beer and too much weed. Disgusted with my own foolish tendencies. But hey, I don't owe anything to anyone. I'm my own dog now. I can do whatever I want. Sadly, what I want doesn't go beyond drinks, smokes and 46 episodes of Breaking Bad... Sit and smoke. Sit and drink. Sit and watch TV. Until it's time to go to bed. Wake up. Go to work. Repeat.

Autumn's a bitch.
November's never easy.
Simple facts of life.

Last week I almost went to a Halloween party. Almost. I didn't make it in the end. Driving there, meeting new people, getting drunk, driving home... Fuck it. This world's too complicated and confusing. I rather stay home and roll another joint instead.

Weeks crawl by, leaves are falling down. It's the darkest month of the year in grey, old Brussels. I'm not doing anything. Just waiting and staring at the Buddha on the wall. That bastard always looks like he knows it all. Mocking my confusion and weakness with his goddamn blissful smile.

Sometimes I don't even know anymore what is that I want. At least, here it's safe and cosy and warm. Leaving seems crazy. I'm scared, ill-prepared and seriously under-funded. Maybe I'll just hide under a warm blanket and let this whole damn season pass me by.

Wake me up in Spring.